Hump Day

Do chickens hump? I know the term hump day is supposed to refer to the hump of the week as in the middle of the week, the top of the hill, it's all downhill coasting from here to the weekend, blah blah, but still. Can you ever hear the term hump day without at least thinking fleetingly of sex? I can't, and I don't think I'm a total sex fiend perv. My husband would definitely agree with that, he wishes I WAS more of a sex fiend perv for sure. Anyway, back to chickens. Do they hump? If I am ever going to fulfill my dream of tending to backyard chickens, I suppose I had better figure out the answer to that question or prepare to be scandalized when I see a rooter mount a fluffy little bantam hen...okay, maybe I am getting a bit pervy here. Definitely too early for that.

So I think something is wrong with my scale, because according to it, I am 4 pounds lighter than I was yesterday morning. Which naturally makes me feel like super diet woman, I mean I'm one day in to the Game On diet with a group of ladies, and I've already lost over 2 weeks worth of my weight loss goal? If this is true, I could quietly coast now for the next couple weeks at least, and then kick it back into gear for the second half of our month long competition. Then I have to wonder how much does my morning pee really weigh? Yesterday I weighed myself first, just to start the competition off with my weight being as high as possible, to give myself an edge, and today I weighed myself after, and lo and behold I was 4 pounds lighter. That is one hell of a pee I have to say. I feel that for the sake of scientific experimentation I should do everything else today exactly the same as yesterday, just to see if it really worked and I lost the weight for real, or if my scale is as temperamental as I am. Maybe it's an evil scale, and is playing wicked tricks on me. A possessed scale, if you will. Like Christine the car, only it's a bathroom scale. Okay, or maybe it's just broken, or more likely, just a cheap ass scale that isn't calibrated properly and hence doesn't produce reliably accurate results. I think I prefer the evil possessed scale theory better, can't you just hear it - "I WOULD have made my weight loss goal if it wasn't for that DAMN EVIL SCALE playing games with me!"

Okay, back to reality. I still don't know if chickens hump, I probably don't have a supernatural ability to lose weight at will, and I have 5 girls running amok through my house right now instead of getting ready for school. Plus I am trying to convince myself that my coffee still tastes good with honey and agave nectar as sweetener instead of brown sugar, as per the diet rules. Don't they make tequila from the agave plant too? Maybe THAT'S what's going on this morning, the agave nectar is causing me to have a hallucinogenic trip similar to the one's that the legendary worm in the tequila bottle give you....or maybe not. Actually, that might not be such a bad thing, I could be on to something here, this could give morning coffee a whole new meaning for me. If I'm right, I will be putting that agave nectar shit in EVERYTHING, especially since I'm not supposed to be drinking alcohol every day whilst on this diet. Ha! I'd better reign myself in, or I'm going to become like the Hunter S. Thompson of the mini van set, high on caffeine and agave nectar instead of mescaline and alcohol.

This is going to be the best diet EVER.