Bee cool

Monday monday. It's raining, it's cold. Last week it was sunny and snowy. Sorry, this isn't supposed to be a fucking weather report. Feel like I'm running to catch up with myself. Sometimes this whole wife/mother gig is just not what it's cracked up to be. Actually maybe it is, I just didn't know what I signed on for. Or I got more than I bargained for. That is more likely. Does everyone have a husband who goes off on them for absolutely no apparent reason at the end of what I thought was a nice day? A decent day anyway? He gets so unbelievably angry, and then if I ask why he is so angry, he screams that he isn't angry and would I fucking stop telling him that he is. Old news at this stage of my marriage. Don't get me wrong, I am far from a perfect person myself. There is obviously something I do to set him off. Or something I don't do. But is it worthy of that much retaliation? Okay, it's not like he hits me, but I do get weary of the verbal nastiness. And then if I eventually lose my cool and fight back, he immediately crows about how I shout too, blah blah blah. Last night I stayed cool. Actually since New Years I have pretty much stayed cool. My motto from then on was no more crying, stay cool. Basically it's for the kids, I don't want them to have to hear the fighting anymore. I'm sure many couples fight and the kids hear it, but it's enough at this point. Time to break old patterns, move ahead. It will either work, or it won't.
I'm basically a glass half full kind of girl. Sure I have my down moments, who doesn't? But they don't last long. Good thing, since I seem to also be the kind of girl that shit sticks to. Drama follows me relentlessly.
I'm getting honeybees this spring, going to have my own hive. The more I learn about bees, the more obsessed I am with them. Imagine, a world completely dominated by females. They keep a few males around for reproductive purposes, who by the way have their genitalia ripped from their bodies during sex and then die, and the ones who are still around at the end of the season get literally kicked out of the hive to starve and die. Meanwhile all the girls cozy up for the winter and then start it all over again in the spring. And this is what they have been doing forever. Of course, if I share this information with my husband, he assumes I am dreaming of emasculating him or at the very least throwing him over for a brood of lesbians.
Maybe I'm more the mason bee type. They just want to work and lay an egg here and there, and pretty much hang out on their own. Either way, I find myself looking forward to warm spring days in my garden with the hum of bees in the air. Better than this wet, cold winter.